I won’t. I promise.
It was getting over. Not long now. So less time, so many moments to make. Choked syllables, lying smiles. Hidden tears, helpless eyes.
‘I am going to lose you. I am losing this time. This day. Everything of the past week. This is wrong, so unfair. Why me? Why me again? Why did I fall for you? So bad! What am I going to do, without you? Lost. I am so lost without you. ’
And he pulled her in a tight hug, but it was just pushing her over the edge. His breaths were only signaling his sadness. Overflowing and drowning her in heavy waves.
‘Once again. It’s happening again. I have to be strong. Why do I always end up being the one who has to be strong? Why me? Why are you messing my life? Why are you doing this? Why? Why are you making us part? I don’t know anything. I am just so helpless and lost. Why?’
He could feel her ragged breaths, her fingers clutching his shoulder blades tight.
‘Indeed desperation. Frustration. Helpless. Sad. Angry. Don’t cry, Darling. Please don’t cry today. I don’t have the strength anymore. I won’t be able to hold on. Please be strong, just this last time. I won’t ask you to be strong again. Just this once. Please.’
She hugged him tightly; trying to protect all that was remaining, that she could still hold in her palms.
‘It’s all falling. Slipping from my hands. Once again I’m helpless. I don’t know what to do. I am lost. I am o lost. I want to cry.’
She nuzzled his neck. He only clutched her tighter.
‘Make me cry, Sweetheart. Please make me cry today. I cannot hold on anymore. Make me cry.’
And he let go off her, and kissed her lips. Desperate kisses. Sadness. Intense sadness. He was overwhelmed.
‘You promised me you’ll always leave me smiling. You won’t cry. You won’t cry, Baby. Not for this. This is much too perfect to cry for. Too precious and important. A Miracle. Don’t cry for me today. Not for Me. Not for Us. Don’t cry for Us.’
She abruptly left him.
“I have to go. I am getting late.”
He nodded.
“Yeah, alright. Go safely. Call me when you reach. Kay Sweetheart, please. Please take care of yourself.”
And she smiled. The best smile she could ever give him.
“Yes. I will.”
Turning around she walked five paces and stopped.
‘I need to see you.’
She turned. He was standing, hands folded across his chest. Waiting at the door inside. All dark. Silence. He was illuminated by the soft light coming from the inside room. Closed door. Five footsteps between. So close. Yet so out of reach.
That face. So lost. So sad. So lonely. So alone. Heartbroken. Two worlds apart. A universe between.
‘I don’t want to go. I can’t go. I am lost without you. So lost. I can’t lose you. Not You.’
His face broke her heart. She slowly went back to his side. Her footsteps making no noise in the dark. The only sound was their lonely heartbeats and lost breaths. Making him look in her eyes, she softly held his cheek and nuzzled him.
“I am not leaving you. I am not going anywhere, Baby. I am all yours, Sweetheart. Only yours. Forever. I am coming back again, to You. I am coming back. ”
She was trying so hard to keep her voice was cracking, but he had already seen her eyes filled with the tears that were going to fall the moment she will leave the door.
‘This is why I need You. You are my strength. Please don’t cry. Don’t make me cry. I have tried to be strong. I can’t do it anymore. I cannot have you. We can never be together. You have to accept that too. Why won’t you accept it? Why are you still fighting him? Why are you fighting him? Why are you fighting for Me?’
She kissed him again. Soft kisses. One by one on his lips. Nuzzling his nose, she kissed him one last time.
“I Love YOU. I Love YOU very much. You are my world. Please take care of yourself, and get some sleep now. I Love YOU, Baby. I am not going anywhere. I am coming back. I am not leaving you and going anywhere. I Love YOU.”
“Mmmm..”
He held her hands tightly, kissing her palm.
‘I know you will cry. Just like me. I know YOU. And yet you take promises from me about leaving you with smiles. How can I?’
Kissing him one last time, she finally left the door. Heavy footsteps, leaving his apartment in a hurry. She tried distracting herself. And the overwhelming moments they had a made some moments ago. It all came crashing down. Her resolve. Her strength. Her smiles. Tears started falling down her cheeks. One by one. Hiccups. Ragged breaths. He felt so lost. So lost. So numb. The intense rush of her pain, made him cry helplessly.
‘It is so lonely without You. So lonely. You take me with you, whenever you go. Part by part. I am losing myself in you. I want to love you so much. I need you so much. But, I can’t fight. I am not that strong, Darling. Not like You. I don’t have that strength.’
Her cell started ringing. She helplessly tried to dry her tears.
“Hey Baby, are you alright?”
“I Love You. I Love YOU so much.”
“I know Darling. I know. I Love YOU.”
“Don’t cry for US. Please Sweet, don’t cry for Us. We are perfect. This is perfect. We are a miracle. You know that. What we have is a miracle. What we made is a miracle. ”
“I won’t ruin US. I won’t. I promise.”
“I Love YOU.”
“I Love YOU too.”
23 March 2010.
10:42 pm.
dedicated to my sweet sweet sis.. :D love you.. :):)
ReplyDeletesis dear are u trying to make me cry? i swear if my parents weren't home i'd cry without stop.
ReplyDeleteit is touching in deed.
wow thank you sis
that's a heartfelt work u made there.
i am honoured thank you.
i cried while i writing it.. :((
ReplyDeletei was just so sad.. so very sad..
i love you sis..